Emily Overholt returned from the 2016 Rio Olympics with a bronze medal, an injured hamstring and the weight of the world on her 19-year-old shoulders.
She could handle the medal and everything it represented. In time, her hamstring would heal.
But the other thing, this black cloud that wouldn’t let in any light, was different. What do you even call this thing? She didn’t really know. She just knew it was taking away everything she loved and if she didn’t get help, it would never give it back.
“It got to the point where I wasn’t safe for myself,” says the star UBC swimmer. “It took me awhile to accept help and even then I was in denial. I didn’t want to be there (in a hospital getting treatment for depression). It was tough to open up but it was really the only way I was going to get better.
“I think the biggest thing was just accepting that what I was feeling was real. It was serious and could be treated and I could feel better.”
In this line of work we write about concepts such as courage and character; perseverance and resilience. We talk about athletes overcoming obstacles and the life lessons they provide. Then you listen to this young woman tell you what she had, what she lost, and where she is now and you realize those terms have little meaning.
On Wednesday night, the 21-year-old from West Van will be presented with the Harry Jerome Comeback Award by Sport B.C. and that’s a good thing. But it doesn’t begin to tell the story of her journey and her triumph, a journey that will likely take her to the Tokyo Olympics next summer but won’t stop there.
“I’m happy with sharing my story,” she says. “I’m hoping it will help people. It was a really hard time in my life, a real struggle but I definitely learned a lot.”
If you get to her Twitter feed, you will see links to a variety of posts and articles on mental health. You’ll also see this from MindHealth B.C.: “I may not be there yet but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”
No, the journey never really ends but, sometimes, it gets easier.
In another year, Overholt will attempt to qualify for Tokyo in a couple of disciplines. Her best event is the individual medley — she finished fifth in the 400 IM in Rio — but she’ll also be in the mix in the relays and freestyle.
In Rio, she filled in for an ailing Brittany MacLean in the 4×200-metre freestyle relay and helped the Canadian team make it to the final where they eventually claimed bronze. She did all this with an uncooperative hamstring.
Still, she remembers the Rio Games for other reasons. The first symptoms of depression appeared in the run-up to the Olympics. In its early stages, the illness wasn’t debilitating. She talked to her family — parents Carman and Deborah — she talked to her coaches — Tom Johnson on the national team and Stephen Price at UBC. She powered through it because that’s what she always did.
But when she got home from Brazil things got worse. A lot worse. She would eventually be hospitalized for 10 weeks before she was discharged in December 2016.
It would be another nine months before she returned to the pool and competition.
“I had this hamstring injury and it was something I could talk about and people could see it,” she says. “Depression is really hard to talk about. People couldn’t see it. I hid it from everyone. It wasn’t until things really got bad that I asked for help.”
It would take time. Depression isn’t a wonky hammy or a strained MCL. There’s no timetable or rehab regimen that makes everything right.
In Overholt’s case it was a combination of time, the love of her family, the support of her coaches and teammates, and her own iron will that brought her through to the other side.
“It took a long time for me to figure things out,” she says. “I wasn’t ready to go back to swimming. I had to take time for myself.”
“To see her arc, it’s amazing,” says Price, who recruited Overholt to UBC out of high school. “It transcends sports. Physically she’s climbing back up the ladder. And she’s in a much better place as a person. There’s more balance in her life.”
As for 2020, well, Overholt knows it’s coming. But, unlike the run-up to Rio, she also knows it’s one day at a time and if that sounds trite, ready her story again.
Today, she has the pool, her family, friends and her dog. There will be other days when there are bigger challenges — challenges she’ll be better prepared for — and they’re coming soon enough.
But, until then, she has this day and that’s all she wants or needs.
“Right now I’m happy with my swimming and where I am with my life,” she says. “But, yeah, it’s something that’s happened to me and I definitely take better care of myself because of it.
“(In Rio) it took me a long time to be proud of what I did. I think this time I’ll appreciate it more and I’ll have a different idea of success.”
She sees that now, sees that because light broke through that black cloud.
